13 Hall of Fame Jokes and Moments of Patrice O’Neal

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By Webdesk

One of the most universal phrases within the stand-up community is, “Patrice O’Neal was taken way too soon.” In an industry wheretaken too earlyis sadly common, O’Neal was in a league of his own. Cut his teeth into it Boston‘s comedy scene, his candid, no-shit nature led to some hard takes that, even if you didn’t agree, would still make you laugh. He was a big presence that hit hard but made sure you had a good time too.

O’Neal was not only a high quality writer, but also an unforgettable performer. His comedic thumbprint hit everything from specials to sitcoms to even a brief stint in the WWE. His enduring brilliance and the inspiration he has cultivated since his passing led us to snag some exquisite pieces of his work for our Comedy Hall of Fame…

About being lonely

“Men want to be onlybut we don’t want to be alone.”

Looking like a Shortie Shorties

Like a Baby version of himself, O’Neal co-hosts a show animating various stand-up comedy items Shorties watch Shorties.

About cigarette boxes in the US vs. Canada

“The pack of cigarettes used to say things like, “Cigarettes can potentially cause you to get sick at some point in your life.” Now they say, “They’ll kill you,” and you’re still smoking. The cigarette boxes in Canada have dead babies on the box. Can you imagine smoking and rationalizing, ‘Man, I’m glad I’m past his age, damn it’?”

On Allah

‘I’m too scared not to believe it God. For example, I am not an atheist; I am like before. I believe in God when I’m on planes – that’s when I Real believe in God.”

On the military

“People always say, ‘Not you support the troops?’ But the troops are an entity that simply follows orders. It’s not about individuals or people. So when I say I don’t support the troops, I say I don’t support the bankers and politicians who let them do what they do.”

On football

“When I came up, football was gladiator; it was angry. If we hit someone while I was playing and he didn’t get up, we weren’t holding the other team’s hands and praying for him to get up. We used to do a circle dance around him, and our audience would say, “HE IS-PA-RA-LYZED!” We’d look for his mother crying and say, ‘That’s right, lady, that’s what you get for letting him out here with killers!’”

About relationships between men and women

“Women have to like you sleep with you. Men have to like you to sleep with you again.

‘The Black Phillip Show’

After several performances on Opi & AnthonyO’Neal has his own radio invocation program give advice along the lines of The dr. Phil Show. Was it helpful? Who knows? But at least it was entertaining.

Attacking Marc Maron

Early in both of their careers, a running stretch between O’Neal and Maron would see O’Neal as a plant in the crowd and then “attack” Maron during his set to get a rise in the crowd. It grew to the point where the two brought it on Late Night with Conan O’Brien when Maron was booked as a guest on that show.

About philanthropy

“I’m getting tired of famous people letting me give money to the disease they’ve contracted. I don’t mind, but it’s selfish. Just be honest with your selfishness. Now, Michael J Fox has Parkinson’s disease, which is terrible, but I just want him to be honest about his selfishness. I just want to ask him a question, ‘Hey Mike, listen, I know you have Parkinson’s disease, but what about cancer and AIDS? Isn’t that important too?’ I just want him to say, ‘Yeah, they’re important, but you know what? I don’t have that crap!’ Or, “I’m not going to give money to something I don’t have.” If a celebrity doesn’t have your disease, you do dead.”

About ‘Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn’

If you didn’t know him from stand-up, you probably knew O’Neal from his various appearances on the news talk/roast/hot take show Difficult audience. Whenever O’Neal appeared, he made his thoughts known as loud and funny as possible.

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