Like an invisible disease addiction is one of life’s hardest struggles, like a chain that pulls people out of a healthy and fruitful life. That said, as they tend to do, the smartest comic minds can forge a fantastic joke (or three) out of such a dark subject. While of course these comics would rather not have such a daily hurdle in their lives, the opportunity to take that shit sandwich and not only entertain crowds, but also get some of the power of addiction back is something magical. (And if you happen to be helping an audience sort out some personal stuff, even better.)
From open mics to sold-out stadiums, some of the best bits in comedy revolve around turning the lemons of that battle into lemonade (sometimes literally when they gave up the alcohol). With this in mind, today we look at some of the funniest and painfully relatable take on addiction from the world of comedy…
Mitch Hedberg about being called names for being an alcoholic
“Alcoholism is a disease, but it’s the only disease you can be scolded for. “Damn it, Otto, you’re an alcoholic!” “Damn it, Otto, you have lupus!” One of those two doesn’t sound right.”
Marc Maron on being addicted to cocaine and alcohol
“If you use and drink cocaine, you can drink a lot more.”
Wanda Sykes on cell phone addiction
For the 2019 movie JexiSykes presented a hilarious but intriguing argument that mobile phone addiction is worse than being addicted to crack. Although none heart attack due to mobile phone abuse (yet), she may still have a point.
Erik Myers on communion while getting sober
“My first AA meeting was a Christian AA meeting, and at the end this man comes out and pours wine. I turn to my sponsor Steve and I’m like, ‘Dude, what the fuck is going on?’ And he said, ‘Erik, it’s cool; as soon as they bless the wine, it turns into the blood of Christ.’ I’m like no shit. Can they bless this bag of cocaine? Officer, this is the rose of the Lord!”
Artie Lange on how exercise is not the same as heroin
Long appeared Late Night with Conan O’Brien and discussed going to rehab for heroin addiction, then working with a trainer to get in shape. However, his trainer made a well-meaning but terrible comparison between using heroin and getting a runner’s high.
Christopher Titus on What Got Him Sober/subtitles]
“I finally stopped drinking when I turned 17 years old. Yes, imagine the fuckup I must have been. Stopped drinking because it’s not really good for your health – and I fell into a bonfire! Yes, then you’re done drinking. You don’t need AA. Falling into a bonfire is a one-step program.
John Mulaney on his intervention
On Late Night with Seth MeyersMulaney discussed his drug addiction and how his friends confronted him with an intervention, which he immediately recognized as an intervention as soon as he opened the door and saw Meyers. He even immediately said, “Before you all read your letter, I have a drug problem and need help,” just to cut them off and save face.
Jessa Reed on getting high on her meth pee
During an episode of Comedy Central’s This is not happeningReed went into detail about her six-year meth addiction. It got so bad that she drank her own piss because she read an article that said meth doesn’t break down after it’s urinated out of the body. Weirdest of all, it worked.
Bill Hicks on America’s Top Drug Tag Team: Caffeine and Alcohol
“If you want to understand a society, look closely at the drugs it uses. And what can this tell you about American culture? Look at the drugs we use. Other than pharmaceutical poisons, there are essentially only two drugs that Western civilization tolerates: caffeine from Monday to Friday to give you enough energy to become a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to make you stupid. love to understand prison. where you live.”
Denis Leary on addiction management in the 1970s
“People say, ‘Why didn’t you go to rehab?’ We didn’t to have rehabilitation in the 1970s. In the 1970s, going into rehab meant you had to stop using cocaine, but you continued to smoke and drink weed for a few more weeks. “Give me a case of Budweiser and an ounce; I have to slow down. Jesus Christ, I’m out of control.’”
Norm Macdonald on the best disease
“I want to say something about my only buddy, Richie. He has a disease – he has the disease of alcoholism. And he came to me and he told me, ‘I’m the kind of guy who looks at things on the bright side.’ I said to him, “Richie, it’s true that you have a disease and everything, But I think you have the best. It’s the only disease where you can drink booze all the time.’”
Richard Pryor on cocaine freebasing and setting himself on fire
During Richard Pryor’s Live on the Sunset StripPryor went into detail about his addictions, particularly at the time he freebased cocaine and was fired, resulting in severe burns on more than 50 percent of his body. He blames his unhappiness on his relationship with ‘the pipe’ and the conversations he had with it. It got so bad that his dealers stopped selling to him.
Robin Williams on ‘Ethanol Challenged’
“People are going now, ‘Robin, how do I know if I am an alcoholic?’ Well, let me give you some warning signs as one. First, after a night of heavy drinking, you wake up fully clothed and say, ‘Hey! Someone shits my pants!’”
Craig Ferguson on When he got so drunk he forgot to kill himself
In the February 20, 2007 edition of The late late show, Ferguson spoke from the heart about how he didn’t want to fool anyone anymore because of their struggles, based on his own struggles and addictions. Ferguson then elaborated on his depression that he planned to jump off London’s Tower Bridge for Christmas, but got so drunk in the pub that he forgot to do it.
