After years of hard work awaiting his mother’s death, King Charles III is finally crowned King of England. The onion asked Brits how they celebrate, and here’s what they said.
Lynsey Morgan, chemist
“I quietly stare at the TV as I drink some tea and occasionally nod in approval, though I don’t want to get too crazy.”
Simon Bail, Barista
“Nothing. None of the royals showed up when I was promoted to squad manager.
Maggie Campbell, Teacher
“I’ll stand at the gates of Buckingham and jeer Camilla.”
Bartholomew P. Winsworth, Royal Adviser
“Ega! I shall verily put on my fairest robes in great anticipation of this most jubilant occasion!
Michael Drake, bartender
“Waiting for his signal to go to war again against France.”
Tim Holcomb, King’s Guard
“I’ve been rehearsing my aim so I’m prepared when Meghan shows up at the coronation.”
Stanley Corrigy, Officer
“I will say or do something absolutely racist. But this time it is in honor of my country.”
Clive Perry, personal trainer
“By throwing every Irishman I see into the river.”
Prince George, Prince of Wales
“I can watch one Peppa Pig on iPad when I sit still.”
Colin Cameron, dog breeder
“I’ll toast it with an extra celebratory pint after my normal 15.”
Rishi Sunak, Prime Minister
“I’m going to deport a few hundred extra asylum seekers to celebrate.”
Jack Wright, plumber
“It will be a great day to analyze William and Harry’s body language to determine whether or not they are talking to each other.”
Carlos Neville, radio DJ
“I’m going to watch with my kids and teach them the importance of marrying into aristocratic families.”
Theodore Pickens, Chimney Sweep
“I will bend over and swing my arms back and forth in song and dance wearing a sooty newsboy cap and highlighting the terrible conditions of the working poor.”
Ed Sheeran, musician
“I told him I was busy so I wouldn’t have to perform, but I’ll just watch at home House hunters.”
Will Jones, barista
“I’ll probably fuck one of my blood relatives like a king.”
Bethany Gressle, Baker
“I give myself 30 lashes on the back for not paying my 20 pence to the crown.”
Geoffrey Smith, labourer
“Drinking all day, but with a better excuse than usual.”