“Rainey Street is hot,” Hank Hill mumbles gleefully to himself in season eight of king of the Hill when he finds out that his home, of which he is very proud, suddenly increases in value. And why shouldn’t it? It is located in the beautiful city of Arlen, Texasand Hank was famous for his lawn.
But there could be one thing that could hold Rainey Street back: Hank’s neighbours. From the abusive Kahn Souphanousinphone, to the overly needy Bill Dauterive, to all of Dale Gribble’s paranoid behavior, it’s enough to drive even the most sensible among us crazy.
That’s why I decided to rank all of Hank’s neighbors based on how good they are. Using a Rainey Street map that a devotee king of the Hill fan posted on RedditI tracked down each of their addresses – usually anyway, as they sometimes change – and reviewed them any Arlenite on their property maintenance, noise level, reliability and potentially annoying personal habits. Mmmm.
Address: 82 Rainey Street
Property management: Dale maintains his lawn just fine, but he will often undermine that by doing crazy things like building a watchtower in his backyard.
Noise level: Dale’s destruction truck, which also has an ugly giant dead cockroach on the roof, looks like a pretty loud clunker. Plus, his screams of “Ssh-sh-sha!” and paranoid gossip about the government never ends.
Personal habits: Dale conducts all kinds of crazy experiments on his property, including a gerbil breeding operation and the tunnel he dug into Hank’s basement.
Neighbor reliability: Dale and Hank are old friends, but Dale also quickly turns on Hank when his paranoia takes over. He would be a nightmare to live next to.
Address: 124 Milton Street, Arlen
Property management: When Pops – the old man who lived next door to Bill – dies in season four, Luanne and some friends move in and do a terrible job of maintaining the place. Later, Luanne lives there with her husband Lucky. While it’s not entirely clear how well they’re keeping up, it’s probably no better than before, as Lucky is the kind of redneck who would keep an old fridge in the front yard.
Noise level: Luanne’s friends are noisy loafers that drive even Luanne crazy. As for her and Lucky’s time there, Lucky has been known to honk, scream, and rev the engine of his massive truck – none of which are truly silent activities.
Personal habits: Luanne’s friends are partiers, which is bad for their neighbors. While Luanne may be responsible, Lucky’s trademark laziness and love of loud, redneck activities is probably hard to get around.
Neighbor reliability: Both Luanne and Lucky are caring people who would definitely help Hank if he was in need. However, Lucky has a penchant for frivolous personal injury cases – he even tries to sue Dale in one episode.
Address: 124 Milton Street
Property management: Even at age 80, Pops took good care of his lawn.
Noise level: Not much was known about Pops as he was a terribly minor character before his death in season four, but he occasionally yelled at his neighbors.
Personal habits: He walked a dog – that’s about it.
Neighbor reliability: Pops was a grumpy old man who didn’t really seem to like anyone. Hard to imagine he’s the neighbor you’d ask to get your mail when you’re out of town.
Kahn Souphanous inphone
Address: 86 Rainey Street
Property Management: Khan takes excellent care of his property, as does Hank.
Noise level: Khan’s loud rebuke of Hank can be off-putting, but that’s about it.
Personal habits: Other than the episode where Kahn becomes a redneck, he’s mostly at work. He eventually gets a pool, though, and since Hank, Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer built the pool, they have access to it – a definite bonus.
Neighbor reliability: Kahn can be petty and obnoxious, but over time he and Hank develop a mutual respect for each other, if not a true friendship. If Hank or Kahn were in need, they could certainly turn to the other for help.
Address: 122 Milton Street
Property management: Bill has been known to let go of his property – much like he let himself go after his wife left him.
Noise level: Occasionally there are uncontrollable sobs, but otherwise Bill is not too loud.
Personal habits: Drinking beer in the alley and wallowing in self-pity.
Neighbor reliability: Bill would something for Hank. He’s a really good friend and caring person, but his neediness – and his obvious attraction to Hank’s wife – would make it hard to live next to him at times.
Address: 120 Milton Street
Property Management: Hard to say since we see the least of Boomhauer’s lawn – hell, we don’t even learn his first name and profession (Texas Ranger) until the series finale. But from what we can see, he seems to keep his house in order.
Noise level: Other than the occasional moan from a satisfied girlfriend, he’s pretty quiet.
Personal habits: Drinking beer in the alley and pleasing the ladies – a very zen existence.
Neighbor reliability: While the mush neighbor is somewhat mysterious to the casual king of the Hill fan, devoted viewers know that Boomhauer is well-educated – he casually references from Duchamp Fountain in one episode – and is an honest man (especially in season three’s “A Fire Fighting We Will Go”, where he forces the group to do the right thing after they start a fire at a firehouse). He also mind his own business in a way that Bill never could, but at the same time wouldn’t hesitate to help a friend. In other words, you’d be hard-pressed to find a better neighbor than Boomhauer.