Precocious Goldman Sachs rent wipes out 1,000 people’s livelihoods on day one

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NEW YORK — Noting that “the kid” had some “serious chops” for having already done so much damage, executives confirmed Wednesday that a precocious new hire at Goldman Sachs had destroyed the livelihoods of 1,000 people on its first day. “You know, I wasn’t sure about him when we first hired him, but based on the huge amount of personal savings he immediately wiped out, I can tell he’s a real go-getter,” Goldman Sachs executive said. Anthony Flavia. that the new hire had already proven he would have a long and successful career as a banker with the firm based on the number of risky, ill-advised investments he had made on behalf of his clients. “I’m not just saying this to be nice, but a few weeks out of college and he’ll lose all other people’s money at the senior level. It took me months to lose that first $100 million. I don’t know how, but this whiz kid did it in a day!” Flavia told reporters he was even more impressed with the prodigy when, just days later, the new recruit was publicly accused of embezzlement and arrested for fraud.



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