“This is the first I’ve heard of it,” Goldstein claimed Varietyby Michael Schneider calls the phenomenon “Sexy Brett Goldstein”. In case it’s anyone’s first time on the internet, it’s worth explaining that this is an extremely, unquenchably thirsty place – a chiseled, gray, vulnerable but mean soccer star Walking around shirtless on one of streaming TV’s top shows will inevitably attract a healthy following of excited admirers.
Goldstein told his interviewer of the gender-symbol label, “I’m flattered you’re telling me this, and I expect you to address me that way from now on,” presumably before Schneider melted into a confused puddle on the floor. “Listen, if that’s anything, it has nothing to do with me. That has to do with the show, right? Because of character,” Goldstein countered modestly.
“Yes, the grumpy man,” Goldstein supposed. “Maybe they’re hairy men. I seem to be the only person in LA in the last 15 years to have body hair. Maybe that’s something. Like, ‘Whoa, what’s this? This is new!'”
Yes, perhaps a muscular, gruff, gruff but sensitive, hilarious, confident and caring sports star, covered in a coat of shimmering black fur like a sexy British bearskin rug, might excite some viewers. Who’da t(hunk) it.
Sign up for the Cracked newsletter
Get the best of Cracked straight to your inbox!