In “Walk Away to Win,” former Nike executive Megan Carle talks about the “unspeakable” at work: workplace bullying. In this excerpt from the memoir, on sale May 16, Carle discusses what it was like to be an executive leading up to an NBA All-Star Game.
After months of preparing for the event, Carle received an email prior to the game: “You’re invited to play hoops on the Jordan court. Tip at 2pm.” As she writes in her memoir, “This wasn’t the kind of invitation that just anyone got. When I looked through the invite list, I even saw the names of several senior vice presidents.” Seizing the opportunity meant missing out on time to interact with her son and brother, but they encouraged her to do it.-up game eventually crystallized something important to her about workplace bullying.Keep reading for the full excerpt to find out what happened next.
When I got to the court, still dressed in my work clothes, I made my way to a basketball court that was almost too beautiful to step on. It shimmered white, with aqua blue filling the key, surrounding the iconic Jumpman logo and bordering the field. It looked like pristine powder snow under a clear blue sky. I had the same reaction as when my dad first took me on the “It’s a Small World” attraction at Disneyland as a kid: the courthouse in Jordan was breathtaking and I knew it would be something I would always remember.
Looking around at the men shooting hoops made me feel right at home. It was a basketball court, the cradle I grew up in as a baby. I started shooting around with the guys. A young man approached our group of 12.
“Hey guys, we’ve got everything you need to play ready for you in individual lockers. Follow me.”
Eleven men followed him, leaving me alone on the track, sweating in my pink cashmere sweater.
“Do you have a place where I can change?” I asked the young man when he returned.
‘Oh yeah. We had to take care of the boys first.’
I didn’t need to be seen as special. I just had to be seen, period.
I stared at him irritably and then said, “Well, yes, I certainly see why that would make sense, since there are 11 of them and one of them is mine.” At that moment I was faced with a choice: stay or go. I could stay and wait my turn like the good girl I’d always been, or I could go – have fun with my son and my brother. A continuous loop played in my head – stay. . . to go . . . stay . . . to go . . . and just as I was about to leave, one of the men, a sponsor of mine, came out dressed and ready to play.
He jumped over and saw that I was still wearing my regular clothes. “What’s going on? Aren’t you going to play?”
“Yes, but they had to take care of you first.”
He hung his head, shook it, and said, “We really have to give you a hard time, don’t we?”
“It looks like it.”
At that point, all the men came out, high-fiving, laughing, talking nonsense. “I can take you back now to change,” said a young woman who seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. As she led me to the changing room, I heard the young man yell, “Okay guys, let’s warm you up!”
Once in the locker room I found a jersey and shorts, socks and shoes waiting for me. No sports bra. I kept repeating to myself, ‘Just get dressed, Megan; just get dressed, Megan; just get dressed…”
The only positive thing you can get out of such a moment is clarity.
In a suit, I joined the men on the track. Since they warmed up, they already played five against five. Never shy around a basketball court, I tapped right in, ripped down the court and poured a bucket. I returned to defense, stole a sloppy lob pass, dribbled to the other side and hit a nice little jumper.
At one point, as I moved the ball past the center of the court, I heard the president say to another man on the bench, “Well, she’s clearly been played.”
That’s right. I played. And now me play. In my Natori bracket.
As the end of the game approached, I decided that I would be the first to go to the locker room to change. I had been struggling at work for so long due to bullying that the court contempt seemed like a “last straw” moment to me. The toxic work environment I endured, combined with the stress of All-Star prep on zero sleep, left me with nothing in my emotional tank. When I should have been treated with the same respect and concern as the men who came to play basketball, I started to feel like a burden, an inconvenience, an afterthought on a basketball court of all places. .
One of the high points of my career, marked by taking my son to see what Mom did for a living, had become one of the low points for me. I had my ass broken and my team worked just as hard to make sure our All-Star work was industry leading. It used to be– not because anyone told me; nobody did it, but I knew it was, and I knew my worth because of the work my team and I put into it.
The invitation to play basketball was the icing on the cake. I saw it as a gift that I was grateful for. As it turns out, my gratitude was so distracting that I didn’t notice that there was yet another hook in my cheek to make me believe I belonged. I do not have.
I quickly made my way to the locker room – not the way athletes do after a fun game of basketball. Yes, I was sweating and I was proud of how I showed up. At 50 I could still move up and down the court, handle the ball and hit my shot. But otherwise no Springsteen “Glory Days” sounded in my ears. No, I ran back to that locker room to get out. Away from this uniform that wasn’t made for me. Away from these men who disrespected me. Away from this place that suddenly felt strange to me. Away from a system that wasn’t built for me. I didn’t need to be seen as special. I just had to be seen, period. In a healthy work environment, moments like these often feel special. They are a way for a team to bond, celebrate and feel even more part of a greater whole. When each person on the team is respected and truly included, and everyone feels part of the team, fun outings serve to strengthen and bond with the team.
In an unhealthy work environment, these kinds of events and moments reinforce the larger differences at play. Often there are one series of such moments and actions – but there may be one that perfectly crystallizes for you the state of your organization’s culture. When I played that basketball game on the Jordan court, there was more than passing, dribbling, and shooting to be seen. Sexism and scarcity were hard at work. Two women were invited to play basketball. Two. One showed up.
Make your move. Bet on yourself in a system that is not built to support you.
For bullying targets, who are unsure of themselves and are beginning to question whether they fit into the company’s mission any longer, a moment that even hints at communicating “you’re not quite welcome here” can be devastating. It can have an impact that to a neutral observer may seem too great in relation to the actual event. That’s because it’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back – and the neutral observer hasn’t seen that all the straw is already piled on that camel!
In this way, the effects of a sexist work environment can be similar to the effects of institutional racism. Until you are aware of the structural reality, you spend a lot of time and energy wondering what is happening and why.
But the story doesn’t stop there.
Once back in my street clothes, wrapped in disappointment, with a side order of anger, I quickly made my way to the exit, when three female employees approached me. One of them was the woman who led me to the dressing room. The other two were working behind the scenes.
“That was so cool you played,” someone said. “Yes,” said another, “thanks for doing that.”
“Your game has shown us that we can do that,” said the third. Their comments were like water to a lost soul in the desert. “You’re welcome,” I said.
Workplace bullying is so damaging and leads targets to unknowingly question our professional existence every step of the way. It’s hard to predict when our own feelings of disrespect and exclusion might actually serve to inspire those we don’t even know are watching. When those women shared what it meant to them to see me play in that basketball game, they acknowledged my existence and affirmed me. At that point, they signed up to speak out and stand up for others, and I knew that was a win. I was convinced that she and you:
- adapt. Put on the set. Even if it’s not easy in a system that isn’t built to support you.
- Scream for the ball. Use your voice, especially when it’s not easy in a system that wasn’t built to support you.
- Make your move. Bet on yourself in a system that is not built to support you.
The only positive thing you can get out of such a moment is clarity. Clarity that your work environment will not suddenly magically improve. Clarity that you are not crazy. Clarity that your work culture has really changed and tolerates real behavior that a healthy work environment would not tolerate. Clarity about who your allies really are. And clarity you may need to forward the invite to play or create your own fetch game.
That clarity will help you see what you need to do.
Excerpt adapted from “Walk Away to Win: A Playbook to Combat Workplace Bullying” by Megan Carle pp. 98-104 (McGraw Hill, May 2023)
Image source: Peter LaRowe
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